Parenting good money behavior. Ito mismo ang naglalarong phrase sa utak ko habang pinapakinggan ang isang kakilala.  Nagkukuwento kasi s’ya kung paanong maarte, magastos, at bulagsak sa pera ang kanyang mga anak. Halimbawa kailangan branded at sa mall mabibili ang damit. Kapag hindi ay aayawan. Kahit naaawa ako kay “Kuya” at gusto ko na ring pagsabihan ang kanyang anak, mas lamang iyong palagay ko na s’ya rin ang dahilan bakit bulagsak sa pera ang kanyang mga anak.

Kuya (our family friend) shared that all he wants is to make his kids to have satisfying life that he’s deprived before. This belief is actuall very common among Pinoy parents. So the consequence of that idea is to make him work harder (to the point of starving himself) to give his kids’ want (to the point of spoiling them).  But since in reality he can’t really afford their wants, his kids it seems that he doesn’t give them life satisfaction. I wonder what parents (like Kuya) do when they realize that their kids have negative attitudes toward money. 

Parenting good money behavior begins in learning it correctly

Ang konsolasyon ko kay kuya ay normally pagdating sa parenting ay nagiging testing drive ang mga naunang anak (especially panganay). Hindi mo talaga tantya e, kahit ilang payo o basa mo ng libro. Subalit habang lumalakad ang panahon at lumalaki sila ay nagma-mature ka rin bilang magulang. Puwedeng pasulong o pabalik.

May be you’re good or bad at parenting, but the thing is you’re doing what you think is right about money.  So for as long as your mind is closed to ideas of right money management at good money behavior, you stay at your default financial literacy level and in default money mindset. Then whatever your ideas about money are the automatic lessons/ principles that you impart with your kids. But if you’re good parenting good money behavior that not only make them learn about personal finance. That also make them successful and happy with or without plenty money involve.

How? Paanong konektado ang pananaw sa pera sa kasiyahan ng bata?

Katulad ni Kuya, may ‘Cousin’ ako na may anak na palasingil at tila ang ideya sa kasiyahan ay pagkakaroon lamang ng pera (nahihingi o naiipon). Ang problema sa ganoong pananaw ay nakukumpromiso rin ang pagrespeto  ng anak sa magulang.  Alam mo iyong hindi susunod kung walang pabuyang pera sa kanyang gawain?  O kaya ay nagiging madamot, sakim, paawa,  nagdadabog  (tantrums) o madrama masunod lang ang gusto.  Dagdag pa d’yan iyong nagbibilang ng gawain at ikinukumpara ang trato sa kanya sa iba n’yang kapatid/ kalaro.  Kung ganoon din lang, malamang sa alamang mahihirapan ang bata na makontento, maging mabuti, at masaya.

Why your kids’ contentment has something to do with your money behavior?

Insensitivity to kids’ way of understanding things is a possible reason why there are financially literate parents, but have kids with negative money attitude (i.e. greedy, wasteful, impulsive buyer, uncontended, or have victim mentality). Most parents work hard because they want to earn money.  Say it to me (or any working adults), I understand what you mean right away.  That’s not the case with kids because they may interpret “I work to earn money to___ (put food on the table/ send you to the best school/ provide you better life)” differently. It may sound like that they are the reasons why parents are not relaxing at home or what’s important in life is earning money. What more if parents deliver their reasons to have salary is in angry, sad, or worried tone?

In a study of University of Washington, researchers found out that if parents are mindful to their kids’ misbehavior (or query out of their feelings) make difference. If parents just simply react emotion to emotion they may nurturing negative behavior in their kids.

Kids get real-life, effective good money behavior lessons at home

Sa pagpapatuloy ng kwento ni Kuya, sinabi n’ya na hinahayaan niya ang asawa niya ang humawak ng pera nila.  So busy sya sa trabaho at misis nya ang bahala sa budget, eh hindi rin marunong mag-budget. Kapag may pera sa wallet nito ay hirap itong kontrolin ang pagpapabili ng mga anak.  Kapag hindi daw mapagbigyan sila ay maniningil na para bang utang nilang mag-asawa.  Dagdag pa ni Kuya na  panay din umano ang paghingi  ng misis n’ya sa kanya at pinagbibigyan n’ya… kasi nga hanggang kaya n’ya ibibigay n’ya.  May pagkakataon pa nga raw na kahit pamasahe pauwi wala na s’ya. 

I asked Kuya too if he talks about money at home with his kids and wife.  He said yes, but that’s when he’s already fed up with their bad money habits. So most of the time, they don’t discuss about saving, debt, insurance, investing, and retirement. According to him they don’t like to “worry” about these things.  Okay, perhaps his kid can learn everything about financial education at school, right?  

However what we learn from schools are theories and formulas. They give the ideas, but not the actual experience.  Kids may learn about saving and investing, but they may do it for wrong reasons and purposes. And there is big challenge today, a lot of kids weigh things according to what they see on social media – that filtered reality! But there’s more challenging force above that, the opposing financial lessons that they get from their teachers and parents.

Ako hindi ko natutunan ang personal finance eskwelahan at hindi rin ito eksaktong itinuro sa akin ng magulang. Pero sa bahay at pamumuhay naming pamilya na mahirap ang buhay at mas mahirap kung hindi ka marunong humawak ng pera. Ang isang lola ko  kapag nakakita ng barya sa daan, pupulutin talaga n’ya. Kung may linya man ang nanay ko nagturo sa akin ng tungkol sa money management ay

“Kung kayo na siguro nagbabayad kuryente, miski isang bombilya hindi na kayo magbubukas” (totoo Ate!)

“Hindi kayo angkan ng milyonaryo para magtamad-tamad kayo!”

*Nangalakal ako, ayan may meryenda tayo.”